Help and Advice - Hen Do Jokes

Jokes are also a good way of getting people to speak to each other and join in the fun of the night. Perhaps this could be incorporated into a game where everyone has to tell their favourite joke and if they can’t remember the punchline or get it wrong, they have to down their drink.

It is the responsibility of all her close friends and family to help the hen prepare and wise up, and a little male bashing in the form of jokes should do the job:

Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.

Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They don't stop and ask for directions.

How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.

What is the difference between men and government bonds?
The bonds mature.

Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.

Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends.

Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into someone whom we'd like to have dinner with.

What they really mean
The hen is soon to be making a seriously huge commitment. Is she ready? Can you help her? Yes, and here we remind you to remind her that men (all men, not just some) fudge issues and never quite tell it as it is. Let us give you a few examples:

"It's a great film" really means - it's got fast cars, lots of fight scenes and naked women.
"It's a guy thing" really means - there is no rational thought pattern connected with it.
"Can I help with dinner?" really means - why isn't it already on the table.
"Darling we don't need material things to prove our love" really means - I forgot our anniversary again!!!
Chat up/put downs
It is an occupational hazard for hen parties - you are a magnet to those of the opposite sex. As soon as you acknowledge that yes you're on a hen party, the chat up lines flow. Now this may be a welcome interlude to some, but not always. Here Freedom offers you some cutting putdowns to utilise:
He says - "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy"
You say - "If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing"
He says - "Haven't I seen you somewhere before"
You say - "Yes, that's why I've stopped going there"
He says - "Is this seat empty?"
You say - ""Yes, and this one will be if you sit down"
He says - "can I buy you a drink"
You say - "yes and my 20 mates would like one too"
He says - "has anyone told you you're the most beautiful girl in here"
You say - "yes and I didn't sleep with him either"
Let us know if you can add to the list, so that we can spread the word and arm our fellow long suffering, sisters.

We hope these jokes will add to the success of your hen party! [back]